


how like a winter hath my absence been from thee

by mnemosyne_musings



Series: i do love nothing in the world so well as you [2]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Human AU, Professor AU, Romance, bit of pining, teensy bit of smut at the end, they are still being idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:15:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27332527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mnemosyne_musings/pseuds/mnemosyne_musings
Summary: River sat back contentedly in her chair and took in the view. They were sat having coffee on the sun terrace of the big Italian villa, overlooking the beautiful gardens. If she turned her head slightly, she could see vineyards and the rolling Tuscan hills in the distance. She could hear the sound of cicadas chirruping around her and a small water feature in the garden below was bubbling gently away.It was idyllic. The perfect place to get married.
Relationships: Eleventh Doctor/River Song, The Doctor/River Song
Series: i do love nothing in the world so well as you [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1995610
Comments: 21
Kudos: 39





	how like a winter hath my absence been from thee

**Author's Note:**

> So this has taken a bit longer than I thought it would - apologies for that. Thanks to sonic for reading this over and telling me it wasn't a total incoherent mess of words.
> 
> Hope you enjoy - everything in the world feels a bit end of days at the moment so have some river/doctor fluff and smut (and a little bit of angst but shhh!)!

_Tuscany, Italy_

River sat back contentedly in her chair and took in the view. They were sat having coffee on the ssun terrace of the big Italian villa, overlooking the beautiful gardens. If she turned her head slightly, she could see vineyards and the rolling Tuscan hills in the distance. She could hear the sound of cicadas chirruping around her and a small water feature in the garden below was bubbling gently away.

It was idyllic. The perfect place to get married.

Everything was in place. The bride and groom and their families were here. The speeches were written and rehearsed. The outdoor dining table under the large terrace was all set up for the big day tomorrow. The beautiful pagoda at the end of the garden was all decorated and ready to go. There was just one thing missing; the best man hadn’t turned up yet. He was missing in action on a flight from Indonesia or Bali or somewhere and no one had heard from him for the past twelve hours.

“Where is he?” Amy demanded, glancing agitatedly at her phone for the hundredth time that day.

River let out a sigh and took a deep breath in before replying, forcing her voice to sound far calmer and more tolerant than she was currently feeling.

“He’ll be here,” she said gently, resting a hand briefly on Amy’s arm as the other woman glanced once again at her phone before flinging it down on the table in front of them.

“He’d better be,” Amy muttered darkly.

“He will,” River replied soothingly, “You know what he’s like. Always late.”

Amy sighed as she sat back in her chair and glanced up at River. “You’re right. I’m sorry,” she said after a moment as River simply shook her head.

“Don’t be. It’s your wedding. You’re allowed to be stressed about your best friend turning up on time.”

Amy nodded before adding hesitantly. “No, but… sorry for going on about him… I mean…” she trailed off as River shrugged and looked away, suddenly very grateful for the large pair of sunglasses she was wearing that hid half her expression.

“It’s fine,” River murmured, picking up her coffee cup from the table and taking a sip.

“Will it be ok though?” Amy added hesitantly as River glanced at her, “Will this be the first time you’ve seen each other since…”

River sighed deeply. She’d known that this conversation was coming at some point this weekend. “Since we broke up?” she supplied as Amy tactfully let the end of the sentence go hanging. If the truth be told, she was absolutely dreading it. She’d barely slept the past week at the thought of seeing John again. They’d parted on such bitter terms and had exchanged only a couple of terse messages since then. However, she forced down those thoughts and fixed a smile on her face. This weekend was about Amy and Rory, not her and John. She could manage one weekend in the near vicinity of him. “It’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

Amy chewed anxiously on her bottom lip as she stared at her, clearly unconvinced. “And you do know he’s…he’s bringing someone…” she added nervously as River tensed automatically.

“It’s fine,” River repeated somewhat tersely, tensing slightly as a wave of nausea rolled up in her stomach at the other woman’s words, “Rory told me last week.”

“I’m sure it’s nothing,” Amy blurted out as River felt her rictus grin slipping, “It’s probably just a friend and I think it might be a bit my fault as I told him you might be bringing Ramone and then you weren’t and…”

River held up a hand to stem the flow of words gushing forth. “Really, Amy, he can bring whoever he wants for all I care,” she said firmly with a calmness that belied her inner turmoil, “It’s none of my business.”

“You know,” Amy took a deep breath and continued slightly hesitantly, “Neither of you really talked about it much and, I get that, it’s ok but… I was just wondering _why_ you broke up?”

River stiffened automatically at the question, her fingers tightening around her coffee cup as Amy ploughed on, obviously having bottled up a lot of this for a long time now.

“I mean, you both seemed so happy and smitten with each other. I mean, we could barely go out with you two at one point you’d be fawning over each other so much. And then, all of a sudden, you’ve had this massive row and that’s it?”

River inhaled sharply as she felt her insides clench, her mind automatically going back to that awful argument with John several months ago.

_“You can’t commit to anything,”_

_“I’m not the one running away!”_

_“You embarrassed me,”_

_“Well, you embarrass me all the time,”_

Shaking her head to bring herself back to the present, she fixed the smile more determinedly on her face and shrugged. “It was a lot of things. I guess we just weren’t meant to be?” she said evasively, “Now,” she added, “Did you want to run over the order of service again for tomorrow?”

Amy gave her a long look and opened her mouth as if to continue before sighing and nodding in defeat and dropping the subject. Breathing out a small sigh of relief, River turned her attention to the stack of paper in front of her that Amy shoved her way and tried to push all thoughts of John Smith out of her mind.

A few hours later, River had escaped the final wedding preparations and had snuck out to the terrace with a well-deserved glass of wine. Leaning against the wall that overlooked the gardens, she let out a deep breath and closed her eyes briefly. They had finally heard from John who would apparently now be arriving tomorrow morning, shortly before the wedding ceremony. Privately, River was relieved as she would then only have to see him for a day and hopefully she could avoid him for most of that.

Opening her eyes, she took a sip of her wine and let her eyes drift over the gardens, not really taking in the detail. She found her mind drifting back instead to the last time she’d seen him properly.

It had just been an ordinary weekend, nothing unusual but for some reason they had argued about something. For the life of her River couldn’t now remember what had started it. They had argued before of course, usually making up in rather satisfying fashion. However, for some reason this had been different.

They’d both said awful things to each other, neither had apologised. He’d then stormed out and hadn’t come back. She’d left three days later for a conference and as she hadn’t heard from him, had then gone on to Mexico for two weeks to check out the proposals for an excavation she was planning. When she returned to Oxford, there’d been still no word from him and she’d found out from a rather embarrassed Amy a few days later that he had left town for good.

Since then, she’d thrown herself into work with gusto and was certainly having much more success with that than her current sorry excuse of a love life. There had been a couple of brief dalliances, including one rather ill-thought out fling with Ramone that she had quickly put a stop to when she realised that he was far more invested than she was.

When she allowed herself to think about John, the overwhelming feeling she had now was one of anger. How dare he just walk out on their relationship after one measly argument? Had she really meant so little to him after a year that he felt able to just discard her and move on so easily? She gritted her teeth and glared out over the gardens at the thought of seeing him again. Maybe If he knew what was good for him then he’d steer well clear of her this weekend…

\--

“Are you sure you know how to drive this thing?”

John resisted the urge to glare at his companion as he gritted his teeth and restarted the engine, having stalled the small Fiat for the third time since setting off from the airport. They had landed four hours ago and they were now deep into the Italian countryside

“Of course I do!” he declared, peering round the corner to make sure there was no oncoming traffic before pulling out and stepping jerkily on the accelerator.

“Well you could have fooled me,” Bill muttered from the passenger seat, subtly reaching out to hold on to the door as John took a corner slightly too sharply.

“It’s these Italian roads,” he muttered as he braked rather suddenly before veering left up a small side road.

Bill let out a snort of disbelief before tightening her hold on the door and grimacing as John failed to avoid a series of potholes in the road ahead.

“Are you sure it’s ok for me to come along this weekend?” she asked after a few minutes.

“What?” John replied distractedly, still peering ahead at the road, “Of course! I’ve told you. Amy will love you. And she said to bring someone so…”

“Yeah,” Bill replied, looking unconvinced, “But didn’t she probably mean…”

“Ah ha!” John’s exclamation cut her off as he suddenly spied a sign saying ‘wedding’ just ahead by the side of the road, “We’re here!”

He turned up the small gravel-lined road and slowly drove up towards the large villa he could just about see at the end of the driveway, partially hidden by trees. He pulled up just in front of the house and turned the engine off, sitting back in his seat and letting out a small sigh.

A sudden pang of dread and excitement suddenly hit him. The last forty-eight hours had been an absolute nightmare of delayed, cancelled and hastily rearranged flights all punctuated by increasingly agitated messages from Amy asking for reassurance that he would be there on time. As a result, he’d barely had time to think about what it would be like when he was actually here. Or more specifically, what it would be like to see River again. It had been nearly eight months since he had last spoken to her. Eight long months of heartbreak and pining interspersed with telling himself he was far better off without anyone tying him down; that he didn’t need an infuriating, curly-haired archaeologist in his life.

Taking in a deep breath, he fixed a smile on his face, turned to face Bill and then clapped his hands together.

“Right! We’re here!”

She grinned at him before opening the door and getting out the car. Following suit, he clambered out the driver’s seat and made his way round to the boot of the car to unload the luggage. Closing the boot, he turned round to look properly at the villa and surrounding gardens.

“Wow!”

He glanced up at Bill who was also looking admiringly at the picturesque scene in front of them. There was a terrace at the front of the house and the gardens below stretched down for at least a hundred yards or so. Off to one side, there was a series of long tables underneath another shady terrace which had been set up for the wedding breakfast later that day.

“Not bad!” he murmured approvingly. He turned to pick up the luggage and was about to head into the house when the crunching of gravel underfoot made him pause and turn around.

“Oh, hello!” Bill piped up but the woman approaching them simply ignored her and stared at John.

John felt the breath catch in his throat as they stared at each other for a long moment.

She was already dressed for the wedding; her hair styled in an updo with a few small curls escaping in the wind and wearing a stunning green and gold dress that seemed to shimmer slightly in the light. He’d obviously offended some deity recently as that dress was doing absolutely sinful things to her curves.

“River,” he managed to whisper, even as he felt his tongue stick to the roof of his mouth, “I… Hello…”

Oh, he was doomed this weekend he thought with a sinking feeling. He hadn’t seen River Song in eight months and he’d stupidly thought he might have finally gotten over her after all this time. Fat chance of that, he scoffed at himself as he stared at her. One glimpse and he was reduced to stuttering and stumbling over his words like their very first meetings all over again.

She stared at him as he trailed off, her expression giving nothing away. She opened her mouth to reply but before she could say anything, the moment was broken by the sound of a window being thrown open and then an irate Scottish voice calling across the driveway from the house.

“Raggedy-Man!” John winced at the anger in her tone and turned sheepishly towards the house where Amy was now leaning half-way out of one of the first-floor windows, clearly already in her wedding dress.

“Hello!” he called apologetically with a small wave.

“You are _late_ for my wedding!” Amy yelled across the drive as John flinched at her tone.

“Sorry!” John winced again, with a small apologetic shrug this time.

“I will not forget this!” Amy added, pointing her finger at him and shooting him one final glare before glancing behind her and then withdrawing back inside.

He let out a long sigh before turning back to where River was now also glaring at him, her hands on her hips.

“I didn’t _mean_ to be late,” he blurted out, suddenly feeling the need to try and explain himself, “Only there was a typhoon and then our flight got delayed so we missed the connection and then for some reason they wouldn’t let me on to a flight with…”

River held up a hand impatiently and shook her head. “Don’t care,” she said tersely, cutting him off mid-flow, “You’re lucky you only got an earful from her. You’ve got twenty-five minutes before the ceremony’s supposed to start. I suggest you hurry up.”

With that, she turned abruptly on her heel and marched away across the drive and back into the house through side door. John watched her go with a sinking feeling in his chest. So much for any hope that she had been pining for him all these months. With a sigh he grabbed the rest of the luggage and turned to head towards the house.

“So,” Bill ventured tentatively as they made their way inside, “I’m assuming that’s the ex?” she murmured sympathetically as he simply grimaced and gave a small nod.

\--

In the end, the ceremony went off without a hitch. Amy looked beautiful, Rory was besotted, John managed not to fumble and drop the rings at the important bit. There was then a champagne reception in the gardens followed by dinner and speeches. River grudgingly acknowledged that John’s had been very funny, recounting several tales of their exploits from when they were younger and from when they went travelling. Now, most of the guests were lingering on the terrace and chatting while waiting for the band to start.

“Well, I’d say that all went very smoothly,” Jack suddenly appeared next to River brandishing two flutes of champagne triumphantly.

River smiled at him and nodded as she gratefully accepted the glass.

“So,” Jack asked after a moment, “Have you spoken to him?”

River looked up at him sharply before looking away again. “Who?” she muttered, feigning ignorance as Jack simply raised an eyebrow in response.

“You know who!”

River sighed and took a sip of her champagne before shaking her head. “Only briefly when he arrived.”

Jack tutted and wagged his finger at her. “You can’t put it off all weekend,” he scolded her fondly, “You’re going to have to talk to him eventually.”

“No, I don’t,” River retorted, “I’ve managed fine for the last eight months as well as all day today, then I’m leaving for the Amalfi Coast tomorrow lunchtime. I’m sure I can avoid him until then. Besides,” she added, unable to stop the touch of bitterness from entering her voice, “He seems to have moved on perfectly fine. He’s even brought a date along.”

Jack snorted in exasperation at her. “Oh, don’t be absurd. There’s nothing going on between those two. I mean, she seems very charming and lovely. But he hasn’t spent all day staring at her when he doesn’t think anyone’s looking.”

River glanced up at him as he pointedly looked at her. “Don’t be ridiculous,” she muttered and looked away again.

“I’m not!” Jack laughed, “I mean, I don’t blame him,” he said with a wink as River rolled her eyes at him, “You are looking rather spectacular in that dress. It does wonders for your arse… not that that needs any help really!” he added, looking her up and down as River slapped him playfully on the arm.

“Oh, stop it you,” she murmured, self-consciously smoothing down her dress with one hand. Actually, truth be told, she did rather love this dress. She had been slightly dreading what she might have to wear as Amy’s maid of honour but this green dress that shimmered gold when it caught the light was absolutely stunning. And it really did flatter her curves if she did say so herself.

“John’s scrubbed up well too,” Jack mused thoughtfully as he took a sip of his drink, “I’d never have thought anyone could pull off the tails and bowtie quite that well but he is looking rather delicious…and that waistcoat as well…” he trailed off with a suggestive wink at River who simply sent him a withering glare over the rim of her champagne flute.

As furious as she still was with him, she did have to admit that John was looking good. Travelling obviously suited him and she’d always had a soft spot for his eccentric dress sense, not that she had often admitted as much even when they were together.

Their quiet interlude was suddenly shattered by the object of their conversation appearing on the terrace with Amy and Bill. They even appeared to be having a very similar conversation.

“I’ve told you many times Pond,” John declared as he straightened his bowtie, “Bowties are cool!”

“Yeah, but not exactly appropriate for trekking in Thailand!” Bill scoffed with a roll of her eyes as Amy grinned at her.

“Oh, that’s nothing,” Amy replied conspiratorially, “When we went travelling together, he insisted on wearing it in the rainforest in Brazil. I’ve never seen anything quite so limp!”

“Oi!” John retorted indignantly as both women burst into giggles, “I’ll have you know most women find them very sexy actually!”

“Oh yeah!” Bill snorted with laughter, “Are these blind women you’re dating by any chance?”

“No!” John spluttered in outrage, “Of course not, they can see perfectly…”

“Well, why don’t we ask one of them!” Amy suddenly piped up, looking up and spying River and Jack just a few yards away and trying not to appear to be listening in, “Oi, River!”

River winced as John clearly flinched at the sound of her name, silently cursing Amy as the bride beckoned her over imperiously, a wicked glint in her eye.

“Amy dear,” she pasted on a smile and slowly walked over to the three of them, ignoring both John and Bill who looked up at her curiously, “How can I help?”

Amy grinned at her and gestured towards John, who was doing his very best to study his shoes and avoid River’s gaze. “We need a definitive answer,” she announced with a flourish, “Bowties: are they sexy or not?”

River gritted her teeth and tried not to outright glare at her friend, after all, it was her wedding day and she had probably had one or two glasses of champagne. She took a deep breath and turned to face John properly, schooling her face into an appraising glance whilst still internally cursing Amy for putting her in this situation. She took the time to look him up and down whilst he awkwardly stared at a spot on the ground.

Dammit, Jack really had been right. He was wearing tails, a white waistcoat and a white bowtie and he really should look entirely overdressed and ridiculous but somehow, _somehow,_ he still managed to pull it off and look utterly delectable. She’d be lying to herself if she said that a small part of her treacherous mind wasn’t longing to grab him by his lapels and drag him into the nearest private corner to have her way with him. She suppressed the small shudder at the thought. It really wasn’t appropriate now they were no longer together, although, she reasoned, lack of desire had certainly not been an issue in their relationship. When this was over, she _definitely_ needed to get laid.

He finally lifted his head and looked up at her properly, his hair falling over his face in a way that made her want to step forward and brush her fingers through it. Clenching her free hand tightly as if to stop those urges, River stared at him for a long moment, her eyes dropping briefly to the bowtie at his neck.

She’d barely ever seen him without his familiar bowtie, even in the year they had been dating. Well, except for when they were in bed together. Although, actually there had been a few times that the bowtie had been used in that context…

_They stumbled through the bedroom door, hands roaming over each other and pulling at each other’s clothes. John’s knees hit the back of the bed and they both tumbled onto it, still kissing as he pushed her shirt off and then reached for the button on her jeans._

_She pulled his bowtie loose and rapidly unbuttoned his shirt in turn. He was just reaching around for the clasp on her bra when she suddenly stilled his hands._

_He looked up at her as she pulled back slightly. “Everything alright?” he asked in concern._

_River simply held up his bowtie in one hand and quirked an eyebrow at him. “How about we slow this down a little?”_

_He stared at her for a moment before his eyes darkened and a grin spread over his face. “Oh! You mean…”_

_She nodded at him with a wicked smirk._

_“You or me?” he returned with an answering smirk of his own._

_River pushed at his chest so he rolled over onto his back before straddling his waist and then leaning down over him, her chest brushing his teasingly as she leant up to whisper in his ear. “Hands above your head sweetie.”_

Shaking her head and taking in a deep breath, River quickly tried to dispel _those_ thoughts from her head. They were not helping at all. Although…maybe that would get her out of this awkward situation…

“Bowties, hmmm,” she drawled, pretending to consider the question, “Well, I’m not sure I’d say they were sexy,” she said slowly, tilting her head to one side as Amy began to cackle in triumph, “But,” she added, pausing theatrically as she leant forward slightly and lowering her voice so the others all leaned in automatically as well, “They definitely had their uses in other ways… if you get what I mean!”

She winked at Amy as she said that, suppressing a smirk as she caught sight of John as he suddenly choked and went bright red.

“River!” he managed to splutter as Amy and Bill burst out laughing.

River grinned unashamedly at them both before holding up her near empty glass. “I think I need a refill,” she announced before turning to Amy, “Hope that clears that up!”

She turned on her heel then and headed back inside, adding a little sway to her hips as she went. As she headed through the open doors, she almost missed Bill’s muttered gasp. “I think I love her.”

\--

“You know,” Amy piped up a few moments later when Bill had excused herself to go to the bathroom, “I don’t think Bill’s the only one.”

John turned back to face her with a frown as she raised an eyebrow knowingly at him.

“What do you mean?”

Amy tilted her head back at the doors where River had disappeared inside.

He shook his head frantically as he realised what she meant.

“What? No! Of course not! Don’t be…. we’re…well we’re over and…” he shook his head again as Amy arched an eyebrow at him, “I’m fairly sure she hates me anyway,” he added gloomily, picking at a loose stone on the wall in front of him.

“What are you talking about, you numpty?” Amy retorted with a roll of her eyes, “Ok, she might still be furious with you because you ran away to the other side of the world instead of having an adult conversation with her…”

“I did _not…_ ”

Amy held up a hand to cut off his protestations and shook her head. “I don’t want to hear it. I’m not the one you should be telling anyway.”

He sighed and looked back again at the doorway where River had disappeared a few minutes ago. He’d been mentally rehearsing what he wanted to say to her for weeks but now he was here with her again he felt completely tongue-tied. It was almost like being back at the beginning of their relationship again. Or rather, back when he’d first met her and he could barely speak to her without blushing or tying himself in knots.

“Why don’t you just go and ask her to dance,” Amy shook her head in frustration at him, “Oh actually, maybe not, I’ve seen you dance at weddings before…not sure that will help your cause.”

“Oi!” he spluttered indignantly, “I can dance thank you very much.”

_“You know, you’re much better at this than I thought you would be,” River remarked as he twirled her around the dance floor, spinning her out before pulling her back in close towards him._

_“Rude,” he murmured in her ear as she nestled in closer to him._

_River pulled back slightly so she could look at him disbelievingly. “Seriously?” she laughed, “One of the first times we met you managed to pour coffee all over me.”_

_“Oh shush,” he hushed her, pulling her back in against his chest as they continued to slowly turn on the dance floor._

_“Although, maybe that was just a ploy to get my shirt off,” River grinned against his neck as he huffed indignantly._

_“Well, we both know you’re quite happy stripping off in your office after that time when we…”_

_River whacked him gently on the shoulder as he smirked down at her. “Yes, thank you,” she retorted with faux primness, biting back a grin of her own, “I remember perfectly well. I haven’t really been able to look at that desk in the same way since then!”_

“Oi!” Amy’s amused voice cut through his reminiscing, “Earth to John. Stop daydreaming about River and go and find her. She won’t wait forever,” she nudged him knowingly before waltzing off towards the dance floor herself.

\---

Letting out a long sigh, River leant back against the wall and looked up at the evening sky. She had escaped the dancing as soon as Amy and Rory had had their first dance and had made her way up to the roof of the main villa where there was a terrace with a rather spectacular view of the surrounding countryside. It was dark now with a clear night sky and, with the relative lack of artificial light nearby, she could see hundreds upon hundreds of stars.

She hadn’t stuck around downstairs long, not wanting to see John twirl various women around the dancefloor and had come up here for some peace and quiet before she ventured back down again. Jack had promised her a dance, although the last time she had seen him, he was chatting up a very cute friend of Rory’s so she wasn’t counting on him being available for much longer.

She lifted her head back further to take in more of the view and tried not to dwell on how much longer she had to avoid John. Just the rest of the evening and then tomorrow morning hopefully. Then she had a few days of well-deserved rest by herself on the Italian coast. Nothing but sunshine, peace and quiet and some decent food and wine.

She was staring up at the sky when she heard the door creak open. She turned her head with a sigh, wondering who was about to disturb her sanctuary when her breath caught in her throat as she realised who it was.

“John…” she managed to whisper as he closed the door behind him.

He ran a hand nervously through his hair as he stood a few feet away from her by the terrace door.

She stared back at him for a moment before starting and heading for the door. “It’s ok, I was just going to head back down to the dancefloor anyway and…” she mumbled as she went to push past him but he suddenly caught her wrist as she headed for the door.

“Wait,” he pleaded as she let out a quiet gasp, her eyes meeting his briefly before falling to where his hand still held on to her wrist, “Please…River… I was trying to find you.”

He let go of her wrist and she quickly turned away towards the balcony that ran around the edge of the terrace.

“Well?” she asked after a few moments of silence, glancing back at him briefly as he still stood by the door, wringing his hands anxiously, “You’ve found me.”

“So, umm, how have you been?” he asked quietly after a moment.

She hesitated, still looking out over the balcony. How was she? _Furious? Miserable? Still desperately in love with him? Torn between wanting to strangle him and kiss him senseless?_

“I’m good, thanks,” she said brightly instead, not looking round at him and taking a sip of her drink, “Really good.”

He nodded slowly.

“They’re making me a Professor,” she added quickly before he could say anything.

“Oh, that’s great! Congratulations,” he replied warmly, a genuine smile lighting up his face as she glanced briefly at him.

“Bill seems very nice,” River blurted out after another few moments of awkward silence between them, “Very pretty.”

John smiled suddenly at the mention of Bill. “Yeah, she’s great,” he nodded with a wry grin, “I met her in Thailand. She got me out of an awkward misunderstanding with some locals.”

River swallowed painfully and turned away slightly, not wanting to hear any more praises about his newest interest. “Bit young for you, though isn’t she?” she couldn’t help adding, a touch of bitterness entering her voice despite her best efforts. She was about five years older than John but that had never seemed to bother him when they were together and it hadn’t really bothered her either. But seeing him now with a beautiful young woman had really touched a nerve unexpectedly for her.

John just frowned at her in confusion though. “A bit young for me? Why would she be…Oh!” his eyebrows suddenly shot up as he realised what she meant, “No, no, no,” he shook his head frantically as River looked back at him questioningly, “We’re not…you know…” he shook his head again and this time made pantomime kissing noises as River rolled her eyes at him.

Turning away from him again, River let out small breath that she hadn’t realise she was holding, trying to ignore the feeling of relief that washed over her and not letting him see her face properly.

“Oh, well I just thought…” she said softly as he looked at her curiously.

“She’s just a friend, that’s all,” John explained earnestly, “Besides,” he added slyly, a small grin curling up the corners of his mouth, “I think you’re more her type than I am anyway!”

River glanced back at him at that as he raised an eyebrow knowingly at her. “Well, she’s definitely too young for me!” she retorted, but there was no bitterness in her voice this time and she had to bite back a smile as John grinned tentatively at her.

She turned back to look out over the balcony, tensing automatically as John moved hesitantly towards her until they were both facing out over the gardens.

Down below they could see Amy and Rory had escaped the dancefloor and were wandering across the lawn holding hands.

“They look so happy,” River sighed softly as they watched Rory lean down and place a kiss on Amy’s forehead before pulling her into a proper embrace and then slowly start swaying to the music that was filtering out from inside the villa.

“He was in love with her for years at school,” John shook his head wryly, “She never realised til I accidentally told her one day. He waited for ages for her.”

“Good old Rory,” River replied softly, a small smile curling her lips.

He let out a small bitter laugh suddenly and River turned to face him in confusion. He shook his head again and then gestured down at the happy couple who were still slow-dancing on the lawn. “I thought that might be us one day you know,” he confessed in a low voice, still staring bitterly down at the garden.

River started as she stared at him in disbelief, not quite sure if she’d heard him correctly. “What?” she whispered, “You mean…” she gestured between the two of them as he glanced towards her. He nodded, his expression dark and hard to read in the dim light. River swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the images of them marrying that sprang to mind. “I’m not sure I’m the white dress and fairy-tale wedding kind of woman.”

He shrugged as he looked back over the balcony. “Maybe not quite like this…” he admitted, “But I thought…”

River stared at the profile of his face as he trailed off mid-sentence. “You thought what…” she prompted in a whisper, ignoring the voice in her head that was telling her to end this conversation, to go back downstairs to re-join the party and protect her heart from more anguish.

He sighed heavily before turning back to face her properly.

“I thought that this was it,” he gestured between them, “You and me. I’ve never felt like that with anyone else before. I thought we’d be… you know… running together forever,” he let out another small laugh, again tinged with bitterness as he stared at her and shook his head slightly, “I guess I was wrong.”

River stared back at him, her heart pounding all of a sudden. She swallowed heavily, trying to get rid of the lump that had risen in her throat. “I guess so,” she whispered, watching as he winced at her words.

“I suppose everyone leaves eventually,” he mumbled despondently, turning back to stare morosely out over the gardens.

She stared at him in bemusement for a moment, before suddenly feeling the anger that she’d been nursing all these months come bubbling back to the surface. “John, you left _me_ ,” she stated tersely, trying to keep a rein on her temper and not raise her voice, “I wasn’t the one who ran off to the other side of the world because I was afraid of commitment.”

He gaped at her for a long moment before finding his voice. “Excuse me!” he protested, “You did leave!”

She rolled her eyes as he pointed a finger at her accusingly. “After you left, I went to a conference in California where I had committed to giving a lecture and then I went to Mexico for a field trip.”

“No, but…”

“And I had _told_ you I was doing all that beforehand,” she continued vehemently as he started to protest, “Not that you listen half the time. And then I came back and you had gone. Just like that.”

“River, it wasn’t like that…” he shook his head in protest

“Really?” she spat out, turning to face him fully and clenching her fists down at her sides to try and quell the urge to slap him silly, “Well that was an awful lot like how it felt, John. You couldn’t be bothered to put in the effort anymore or you got bored or whatever reason you had for running away from our relationship at the first sign of difficulty.”

“No, no, no,” he shook his head in agitation as he ran a hand through his hair, “That’s not what it was at all.”

River shook her head wearily, the fight suddenly leaving her. “Everybody leaves in the end, as you said,” she repeated his words from earlier, her voice catching slightly as she turned her face away from him, “I just thought you might be different.”

He shook his head frantically as she trailed off. “No, no, River, that isn’t what happened.”

“What are you talking about?” she snapped at him, “I was the one left looking stupid with a broken heart while you were off swanning round the word doing goodness knows what!”

“What? No, that’s not…”

River shook her head impatiently and cut him off as he started to protest again. “It’s _fine_ John. I’m fine or, I will be at any rate. But don’t try and pretend that’s not what happened just so you can assuage whatever guilt complex you have going on about me.”

“No! It wasn’t like that! I haven’t got… I didn’t…” John insisted frantically as she stared disbelievingly back at him, “River, no! I came back!”

“What?”

She shook her head in confusion as he nodded imploringly at her. “I came back for you.”

“What do you mean? When?”

He ran a hand through his hair yet again, pushing the fringe out of his eyes. “I came back after a few days to try and find you…to apologise… but you’d gone already.”

“So?” River shook her head impatiently, “I was only gone for three weeks at most. Where were you when I got back?”

John hung his head in shame as he looked away from her.

“Well?” she pressed when he still hesitated.

“I did run then, yes,” he admitted in a low voice, looking up at her from beneath his fringe, “I was angry and not thinking straight and I just…well I just left. Got on the first plane and went as far as I could and…”

He stopped as River snorted contemptuously at him with a shake of her head. “That’s not really coming back for me is it? That’s just running away,” she turned away from him properly, letting out a small bitter laugh before draining the rest of her drink and then placing it on the balcony in front of her, “I think I’ve heard all I need,” she added derisively through clenched teeth, intending to turn and march off back down to the party and leave John and his pathetic excuses once and for all.

Before she could move more than half a yard past him however, John’s hand had reached out once more to grab her wrist. She stifled a gasp as he stilled her movements and pulled her slightly towards him. “That’s not what I meant,” he said, his voice low and urgent as he stared intently down at her.

“I came back for you,” he repeated in that low voice that somehow still made her shiver.

“What are you talking about John?” River shook her head and tried to pull her wrist free from his grip.

He sighed and let go of her. “I realised I’d been an idiot almost as soon as I left,” he confessed, still looking at her intently, “I tried to come back but…”

“But what?”

He hesitated slightly and River caught a faint blush staining his cheeks as he looked away briefly. “There was a…an incident in Thailand. Definitely a misunderstanding, but I sort of ended up briefly in police custody and…”

“John!” River gasped involuntarily, staring at him in concern as images flashed through her mind of him lying stricken in a Thai jail.

He shook his head quickly in reassurance. “Oh, I’m fine. Nothing happened to me. But I did lose my passport, which really wasn’t my fault by the way, and then there was an issue with the embassy and then by the time that was sorted and I had a new one it had suddenly been nearly four months.”

“Why didn’t you message me?” River asked agitatedly as he looked away, “You said it had been four months? You could have text me? Or emailed?”

He looked away from her guiltily. “I know,” he mumbled awkwardly, “I nearly messaged you so many times. Then I lost my phone and…” he hung his head, holding up his hands and offering an apologetic shrug, “I’m sorry…”

“Well, what happened then?”

“I got on the first flight I could back home and got on a train straight to Oxford as soon as I landed,” he said insistently, “When I got there, I went to your office to find you but I…”

“You what?” River prompted him as he trailed off.

He looked at her for a long moment. “I saw you with Ramone,” he said after a moment, his voice low and accusatory as she inhaled sharply, “You were coming out the building together and I saw you…I saw him kiss you and so I…”

River closed her eyes briefly, feeling a rush of blood in her ears as she missed the rest of the sentence. She remembered the day he was talking about. Ramone had been pestering her to go out for ages and she finally given in and gone on a couple of dates with him. She’d tried to use him as a rebound and quickly realised her error, ditching him when she realised he was far more serious than she was.

“John…” she said pleadingly, “That was… it was nothing. I hadn’t heard from you in weeks and weeks. He was just a distraction, nothing more. I ended it between us not long after that.”

“Yeah, well,” John shook his head bitterly, “It didn’t look that way so I just…I just left again and… well, here we are…”

River let out a hollow laugh and turned away from him briefly, closing her eyes as she shook her head. “I can’t believe you came back and saw that,” she whispered, half to herself and half to John, before turning back to face him, “I’d been waiting _weeks_ to hear from you and nothing, just that text message you sent at the beginning telling me Amy would pick up your stuff,” she added bitterly as he had the grace to wince at that.

“I just didn’t think you’d have moved on so quickly,” he muttered after a moment, a distraught expression on his face as he ran a hand through his hair.

“Moved on?” River stared at him aghast, “I’ve been trying to move on since you left me,” she snapped, “Ramone was _nothing_ , just a rebound fling to try and forget about you. Which didn’t work at all by the way. I’m not the one who’s been merrily swanning round the world with beautiful young women in tow just because…”

“I told you there’s nothing going on between me and Bill,” he interrupted angrily, stepping towards her so they were almost nose to nose, “I’ve been trying to move on from you but not with her. She’s just a friend and…” he stopped suddenly and stared at her, “What do you mean ‘it didn’t work’?”

River shook her head as she suddenly realised what she’s said. “Nothing,” she whispered, mentally kicking herself for exposing herself like that.

“No…you said-,” he stared at her intently as she swallowed heavily, “You said you were trying to move on and forget me but…does that mean…does that mean you’re _not_ over me?”

River stared back at him, suddenly lost for words as he gazed down at her, a guarded expression of hope appearing on his face. She’d run over in her mind _so_ so many times all the things she wanted to say to him over the past few months. She’d replayed this scenario countless times and in most of them she ended up flinging his words back at him and storming out, crushing him just as she had been left crushed and heartbroken all those months ago. But now, staring up at him, with his fringe falling down into his face and a terrified but hopeful look in his eyes, all her best laid plans evaporated in front of her.

Closing the final distance between them, she shook her head. “Of course I’m not, you idiot,” she murmured before reaching up to grab his shirt lapels in her fists and haul him down towards her, crashing her lips against his in a bruising kiss.

He let out a brief noise of surprise before he kissed her back with enthusiasm, his hands slipping around her waist to pull her against him. Opening her mouth to him, River let out a small whimper as his tongue slid against hers, relishing the taste of him for the first time in months. She let go of his lapels and ran her hands up around his neck, trying to get him closer towards her after all this time. She barely took any notice as he began to steer them slowly back away from the balcony. She only realised what he was doing when her back suddenly hit the wall of the terrace and then he was pressed up against her, hands skimming down her sides and back up to brush against the side of her breasts through her dress.

“God, I’ve missed you so much,” River moaned breathlessly as he broke away from her lips to plant messy kisses across her jaw and down her neck.

“Me too,” he mumbled between kisses, as she arched into him and slid one hand into his hair, fingers tightening to keep him as close as possible, “We’re both such idiots.”

“Totally,” River nodded fervently as she pulled his head back up to kiss him fiercely again.

“This dress,” he growled against her lips a few moments later as he slid one hand down to grab her arse through the material, “It’s been driving me crazy all day.”

In response, River lifted one leg and hooked it around his waist, pulling him in even closer and grinding her hips against his. “You can take it off later,” she promised through a gasp as one of his hands slid underneath the hem and up the inside of her thigh. She moaned as his fingers brushed against her through her knickers, teasing her before pushing the material aside and stroking her, his thumb pushing down on her clit as he pushed one, then two fingers inside her.

Resisting the urge to fling her head back against the wall and moan loudly at the sensation of his touch again, River scrambled desperately between them for his belt and trouser fastenings, quickly undoing them and reaching inside his boxers to grasp him firmly.

“I want you now, sweetie,” she gasped in his ear as he let out a stifled grunt as she tightened her hold on him, “Inside me, it’s been too long.”

With a groan, John withdrew his fingers from her, pulling her knickers down as he did so and releasing her leg long enough for her to shimmy out of them. As soon as she stepped out of them, he grabbed her leg again, encouraging her to wrap it around his waist and hoisting her up against the wall as he pushed her dress up around her waist. He braced one arm above her on the wall and reached down to grasp himself with the other hand before pushing into her.

“Oh God, River,” he muttered, his eyes fluttering closed as he stilled briefly before he pulled back and then thrust in more deeply.

River let out a moan as he began to move more quickly, thrusting harder with each stroke. “Oh, sweetie, that’s it,” she panted, clutching onto his shoulders and wrapping her leg more tightly around his waist.

“River,” he managed to gasp out as his movements started to become more erratic, “I don’t think I can…”

“I’m so close, John, just a little…” she begged as he moved one hand down in between and pressed down hard on her clit as he thrust up into her, “God, yes, that’s it…that’s…” she stuttered, words failing her as she felt her orgasm build and then crash over her as John climaxed moments later, collapsing against her as he gave a muffled cry into her hair.

After a minute, he pulled back slightly, dropping a kiss onto the end of her nose as they both grinned deliriously at each other while trying to catch their breath. River let her leg drop to the ground as he pulled away from her, pulling up his boxers and trousers as she righted her dress and quickly grabbed her discarded knickers.

Reaching out for her again as though he could barely bear to be apart any longer, John grabbed her around the waist and pulled her back against him, pressing a kiss to her lips that she returned eagerly.

“I think you owe me at least one dance now, future-Professor Song,” he murmured as he pulled back briefly to beam happily down at her.

River gazed back up at him, a matching grin on her face as she brushed one hand through his hair, trying in vain to smooth it back down so it didn’t look quite so obvious and dishevelled. “Ooh, Professor Song,” she remarked suggestively with a small smirk, “I quite like the sound of that!”

“I thought you might,” he quipped knowingly with a quirk of his eyebrows, planting a quick kiss on her lips before letting go and reaching down to grab her hand, tugging her towards the door, “Maybe we’ll have to re-christen your office when it happens,” he added cheekily as she reached out to playfully whack his shoulder as he opened the door and ushered her back down to the party.

As she glanced down between them at their fingers, laced together, River tightened her hold and vowed that this time, nothing – no miscommunications, no stupid arguments, no stubborn silences - would keep them apart.

As if he could sense her thoughts, John pulled her closer and pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead. “Come along you,” he murmured softly, “Let’s go and dance.”

\---

As the morning sun filtered in through the gap in the curtains, John turned over sleepily, throwing his arm absently over the other side of the bed, expecting to just encounter empty bedsheets and pillows. Instead, his hand curled around the soft curve of someone else’s hip. Jerking his eyes open, he peered blearily at the person lying next to him, a smile breaking out over his face as a very familiar head of curls came into focus on the pillow next to him.

Shuffling towards her, he slid his arm further around her waist and pulled her back against his chest, nuzzling his face into her hair as the events of last night came back to him.

After making up in rather frantic style on the roof terrace, they’d re-emerged back downstairs at the party quite relieved that their absence or slightly rumpled clothing hadn’t been noticed. They had joined in the celebrations for another hour or so before escaping back to River’s room to continue their reunion in private where he’d finally got to remove that tantalising green dress.

“John,” River groaned sleepily as he nudged her hair aside to press gentle kisses down her neck.

“Morning,” he murmured as she rubbed a hand across her eyes.

“Urgh, I’d forgotten how nauseatingly awake you are first thing in the mornings,” she muttered grumpily as he smothered a grin at her familiar complaining.

“Oh, I’m very definitely _awake_!” he retorted cheekily, splaying one hand across her stomach as he pulled her hips back against his groin.

“Hmm, I can tell,” she mumbled, reaching back to card a hand through his hair as he scattered kisses over her shoulder, “What’s the time?”

“Don’t know. Very early probably,” he lied as he moved back up to her neck, nipping gently at her earlobe as his hand on her stomach began to inch down.

“We’ll be late for breakfast,” she protested weakly as he rolled her beneath him, now trailing kisses down to her collarbone.

“I should think so,” he replied distractedly as one of his hands slid slowly down her side, delicately caressing her ribs.

“They’ll know what we’ve been up to,” River tried again half-heartedly even as her thighs parted to cradle his hips between her legs.

He pulled back at that to glare playfully down at her. “ _I_ wasn’t the one who told Amy and Bill about the bowtie!” he scolded her as she grinned back unashamedly at him through sleep-lidded eyes.

“Oh sweetie, Amy caught us shagging in the spare bedroom at their engagement party!” she laughed throatily as he flushed slightly at the memory, “They hardly thought we just hold hands and cuddle!”

“Still, you didn’t need to tell them _that_ ,” he retorted, leaning down to nip playfully at her neck.

“Oh, you love it really,” she gasped, arching into him and threading a hand through his hair as he found the sensitive spot just below her ear.

He pulled back at that to gaze into her eyes, hovering just above her. “I really do you know,” he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to the tip of her nose.

“I know,” River whispered back, “Me too,” she added, a soft smile spreading over her face as he smiled down at her, unable to stop the feeling of unbridled joy rushing through him, “No more running?” she asked, trying to mask the undercurrent of anxiety in her tone with a sultry smirk.

Leaning down so their foreheads were touching, he gazed solemnly at her before shaking his head. “Only if you’re with me this time.”

Holding his gaze with her own, River nodded fervently. “Always,” she whispered, her fingers gently caressing the hair at the nape of his neck before pulling him down and kissing him soundly.

\--


End file.
